Submitted by the Pulaski County Sheriff’s Department
Sheriff Michael Gayer announced today that he was contacted by an inmate at the Sheriff’s Office concerned for the safety of an individual living in the county.
The inmate stated he was approached by another inmate, Keith Ray Nuss, 28, who is being held in connection with a rape that occurred in August 2008 in Winamac.
Nuss told the other inmate that if the rape victim was deceased, the Prosecutor would be forced to dismiss charges against him and he would be a free man. Nuss asked the inmate if he knew anyone that could be hired to kill her. At this point, the inmate wrote a letter to the Sheriff indicating his fear for the woman’s safety.
Sheriff Gayer contacted a retired State Police Investigator who, while employed with the State Police, did 17 murder-for-hire cases in one year. Voice recordings were made between the undercover officer and Nuss. Nuss also wrote the undercover officer a letter indicating the intended victim’s name, address, place of work and vehicle description. Nuss gave his mother instructions to give the undercover officer a card collectors collection of professional athletes as a down payment to the $5,000 agreed to by Nuss and the undercover officer. His mother was not aware of his intentions at the time she handed over the cards. The undercover officer obtained the collection and presented his case to Pulaski County Prosecutor Stacey Mrak.
Nuss was formally charged in Pulaski Circuit Court Tuesday morning with Conspiracy to Commit Murder, a Class A Felony.

Nobody really knows what it’s like, until they experience the situation for themselves. I know I never did. You generally know that rape is something bad. And you never want it to happen to you or your loved ones. But I never understood exactly how bad it was and how it could affect someone’s everyday life forever. Yes, forever. Because no matter how strong I claim to be, there isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t thought about it 100 times. Rape is my obsession. My life is classified into 2 categories now. Pre-rape. And post-rape. I can’t get it out of my head. It’s constantly there. And that is just something I’m going to have to learn to deal with. To live with. And I am slowly but surely accepting that.

I’ve always been a strong independent woman. I’m a loner. I’ve never felt unsafe or threatened anywhere, especially in my own home. My whole sense of security was fucked over forever the night of August 28th 2008.

I was sleeping safe and sound in my own bed. In my own room. In my own locked, safe home, when I awoke to find my life change forever right before my very eyes. And there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing.

I’ve had people ask me “Why didn’t you run?!”
I was sleeping flat on my back and woke up to a 6'4, 220lb stranger holding me down. If it were you, do you think you could have “run”? I could barely move.

I’ve had people tell me “It could have been a lot worse.”
I know this. Things can ALWAYS be worse. But you have no room to talk until you’ve walked in my shoes. You have no idea what you are talking about.

Terrified. Threatened. Humiliated. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Guilty. Angry. Numb.
These are a few of the emotions rape has made me feel.
And even though I know it wasn’t my fault, I struggle everyday with different senario’s in my head that tell me maybe I lead him to believe it was ok. Because the man who raped me claims it was consensual. I fought him even though he said he had a gun and threatened to take my life, until he choked me. I couldn’t breathe. So I gave up. I stopped fighting and screaming and let it happen. And this is why he thinks it was consensual. And this is why I am tormented everyday. I stopped fighting and screaming.

I’m not going to lie, some days I wish he would have had a gun and took my life. That would have been so much easier. And some days I remember life isn’t supposed to be easy. If it is easy, then you aren’t doing your job. My father told me there can’t be a god. God wouldn’t have let this happen to me. And after thinking long and hard, I am sure there is a god. I’ve never been so sure in my life. My whole life god has challenged me. Tested me. And I was never sure why. “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Well, I should be a fucking bullet by now. The man who hurt me has hurt other women in the past. None of them were strong enough to tell anyone. I am. I will make sure he is put away. He will never do this to another woman again. And I live to tell my story and help other women to know they are not alone. God knew I could handle this. God knows I am strong.

To those of you who have helped me through this, thank you. Thank you for your kind words, places to stay, shoulders to cry on, donations, pats on the back. It means more to me than I can ever express. I honestly couldn’t have done this without you.

To those of you who have come forward and shared your story with me, you may tell me I am the strong one, but you are stronger than you’ll ever believe for coming forward and talking about your experience. The more you talk about it, the easier it gets and the better you feel. You are not alone. You never have been. We need to take a stand as survivors of rape and tell our stories. It’s hard but if we don’t tell, injustice will continue to take place. We need to fight and pray and hope that someday the statistics will go down. The only way to achieve this is to take a stand! Speak out! And to encourage others to do the same. We can’t change the world in one day, but we have to start somewhere. Until then, my only advice is to put one foot in front of the other and keep on walking. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do.

These days are definitely busy. I'm all moved out of the old apartement. Still staying with Robert (I'm proud of him for not kicking us out yet)The place we're supposed to move into keeps getting pushed back. It's starting to tick me off cause everything I own is practically in storage....it's cold now. I dont even have a coat cause it to is in storage....not up front where I can easily access it but it's way in the back w/all my clothes and shoes and such. and a tond of big furnature blocking it all in there. oh well. Looks like life is still a bitch.

Did I ever tell you I got a promotion at work? Well, I did:) The week before my life got turned upside down I was offered a promotion into the Product Support office in my factory as a Product Support Technician! PS-I am the FIRST female product support tech in my compnay and I think it kicks ass. Sooo, my job will pretty much be answering phones and talking to dealers about whatever problems they are expieriencing with the vans and helping troubleshoot and fix the problem or order the parts they need to fix it. Right now I'm going through Training and I love evey minute of it. I'm out on the line in the factory noising around learning everything they do to convert these vans into handicapped accessible vans. Everyday it is something new and I'm learning so much and meeting so many new people. Then I go into the office and study for a few hours everynight. Sometimes I get confused so I go chill out in the engineering department and all of those mr. smarty pants guys tell me whats up. Its like I'm back in school. And the best part is I earned this promotion all on my own and I'm so proud of myself. I know you probably dont care but I really work for an amazing factory...if you are bored check out our website http://www.braunability.com we do amazing things.

A few weeks ago my shitty ex started calling/txting/writing me again. I ignored him for 2 weeks then I couldn't take it anymore. He feeds me all kind of garbage like he always has. I listen like I always have. He said he was going to buy us a house here so we can live together and that i am "the one" and he knows it now. I am the best thing that has ever happend to him and he cant live without me. He made a huge mistake getting w that other girl. no one compares to me and he is sorry. he had trouble dealing w what happened to me and he shut down. his only way of dealing was to not deal with it. I am so mad at him I dont know what to do because I love him still. And idk why. dude is shitty. for real. so i was thinking for a minute that maybe he did just wake up and smell the coffee. maybe i should give him the benefit of the doubt. Then he calls me thursday saying he found a place in Merrillville, IN (1.5 hours away from me) and is moving first wk of nxt month. sweet. Then he tells me he's going to his best friends wedding this weekend solo. double sweet. dudes never gonna change. stupid me. oh stupid me. when will i learn?

So tonight is an awesome open mic night thing that my friend, robert and i organized. its at winamacs opera house that the historical society has worked so hard to restore...the outside is done but the inside needs work. We are going to do these once a month to promote the arts in winamac and we're taking donations for the historical society. Ive been baking like a fool and im going to sell my goodies there and all proceeds will go to the historical society as well. im excited.

I need to get my ass in the shower though cause I'm on my way to get my chest piece finally done. well, it was done...til i decided i wanted to add to it.
I've just been living the life trying to just be good.
Take care :)
Leslie

im writing you live from chicago, il. aka home sweet home. i skipped work today and drove out here to visit my best friend, sheila. we went to kumas corner tonight and i ate so much i feel sick. it was great though. tomorrow we are driving to wisconsin to see sheila's favorite band, linkin park. its good to get away. this city will always take my breath away. i miss it.

Can't is the worst word that's written or spoken;
Doing more harm here than slander and lies;
On it is many a strong spirit broken,
And with it many a good purpose dies.
It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning
And robs us of courage we need through the day:
It rings in our ears like a timely-sent warning
And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.

Can't is the father of feeble endeavor,
The parent of terror and half-hearted work;
It weakens the efforts of artisans clever,
And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk.
It poisons the soul of the man with a vision,
It stifles in infancy many a plan;
It greets honest toiling with open derision
And mocks at the hopes and the dreams of a man.

Can't is a word none should speak without blushing;
To utter it should be a symbol of shame;
Ambition and courage it daily is crushing;
It blights a man's purpose and shortens his aim.
Despise it with all of your hatred of error;
Refuse it the lodgment it seeks in your brain;
Arm against it as a creature of terror,
And all that you dream of you some day shall gain.

Can't is the word that is foe to ambition,
An enemy ambushed to shatter your will;
Its prey is forever the man with a mission
And bows but to courage and patience and skill.
Hate it, with hatred that's deep and undying,
For once it is welcomed 'twill break any man;
Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying
And answer this demon by saying: "I can."

written by: Edgar A. Guest

Sunday I moved into another temporary place in the pouring rain. It was great. I got all unpacked and even went to the laundry mat. I accomplished a lot. And slept like a baby for being so worn out.

The lady who lives upstairs is awful though. The first day we moved in she already complained to the landlord about the dogs barking. The landlord is a chinese guy who barely speaks english. He told us "I like dog. Dog is good. But lady upstair complain too much." I had boughten Teddy this antibark collar that sprays stuff in their face when they bark so they stop barking...but she is a small dog and apparantly her bark is too tiny for it to register and work. But loud enough to annoy the neighbors. Sweet.

I almost had a huge freak out at work yesterday...too many things going through my mind at once...called my mom, almost broke down on the phone. Decided to go to indiana after work. Took Teddy to my moms. I'm leaving her there this week so I dont have to deal with bitchy neighbors. My mom and sister are going to squirt her in the face with a spray bottle everytime she barks so hopefully she'll start catching on. I'll bring her back on easter. Dwayne came home from College cause he knew i was stressed. I told him not to because i know he has a lot of projects and stuff going on he needed to be working on. But he came anyways and held and kissed me til midnight:)

I cant wait til easter so i can see him again.

Tonight is the academy is... get psyched!

xoxo

Met Ana and Laura for dinner and drinks first, both were yummy.

Pretty much missed the first two bands but was totally ok with it. We were there to see Brand New!

Amazing show...with the exception of 2 tall people who made it hard for me to see but that is okay. I'll make sure I see everything tonight.

They played a lot of great songs but somehow missed 3 of my favorites...
Failure By Design
Last Chance to Loose Your Keys
SoCo Amaretto Lime

seriously what the hell? i hope they play them tonight...
cross your fingers.

Does anyone know anything about home owners insurance coverage?! I'm quite ignorant on the subject but feel like I'm not being told the whole truth by my landlord. According to him nothing at all was covered, except the structure of the house. He is a fishy little man. I've done a little research on the internet though and it seems even the most basic plans cover posessions in the house as well. And since we had no lease whatsoever it seems he should be getting money on our ruined things in the house. I've had to give them the keys several times for the adjustors to come. When I ask about my things being covered he is very short with me and says "No, Nothing is covered." with no explanations. It's very aggravating. And probably boring to read about...sorry. But any suggestions on what I should do?!

In other news...this weekend will be awesome. I took the whole weekend off...yes, friday night AND all day and night saturday and sunday. And some friends are coming here tomorrow to visit and go see Anti-Flag with me. Sweet. Next week should be amazing, I am seeing Brand New twice in 2 days. Tuesday at the HOB and Wednesday at the Vic. If anyone needs tix to go to the Vic let me know because I might have 2 extra. My little sister and her friend seem to be flaking out on me.

I got Teddy back and couldn't be happier about that. Her 3rd birthday was monday and call me pathetic but usually i throw her a party and bake her cupcakes and even let her eat one! BUT this year things have been too crazy and everyday i feel like i have a million more things to do after work. So no parties! But as soon as i have a permanant place to live I'm throwing a huge "I have a home!/Teddys bday party!" Consider yourself invited. There will be cupcakes for everyone! I havent been sleeping well. I toss and turn and it sucks. I'm not sure if its because of the fire, the fact im sleeping on a futon and not my bed, or that i dont have a real "home" yet. This weekend should be great though. Sunday Dwayne + friends are coming here on their way to wisconsin (their spring break destination) and we're seeing Haste The Day at the Metro! My mind should be off of all of this for that night which will be nice. xoxo

Things are going well. I'm (for the most part) all moved into my new apartment. It's feeling homey and I love it. I'm going to Indiana this weekend to get my doggie back and then i will be complete. I miss her lots. I'm so glad my life feels back on track. I'm finally feeling positive about things again. Sometimes life is crazy and it gets you down, but I've learned to not give up..it gets better. I'm so lucky, things could have been much worse.
xoxo